So scouring the Internet for things the other day and came to this post so I thought I best repeat it and remember it.
1. Thou shalt always put the toilet seat down. I’ve heard the argument that women should just put it down. However, statistically speaking, the toilet seat should be down. Women need it down 100% of the time. Men need it down about 35% of the time. Therefore, approximately 82% of the time, the toilet seat needs to be in the down position which far outweighs your 18% of the time in the up position. Majority rules. And if that isn’t enough, see commandment #3. If you actually obeyed commandment #3 we wouldn’t complain so much about commandment #1.
2. Thou shalt always pick up thy dirty underwear. Oh. Mah. Gawd. Ya’ll. I think husbands are convinced that’s there is some magical elf, strongly resembling the Lucky Charms guy, that comes along and whisks away their nasties. Wives, I recommend kicking it under bed until they run out. At that point, there’s a good chance they’ll bring you at least one pair a few days after they run out to be washed. Or. They’ll go buy themselves new underwear. Either way, we win.
3. Thou shalt look where you are peeing and always pee INTO the toilet with the lid UP no matter how dark it is/tired you are/tall you are. You’d think this would be obvious, but alas, it’s not. I’m convinced that with three boys in the house, they enter the bathroom, throw back a cape and in their best medieval voice announce “Hark there, Toilet! I pee in your general direction!” And then let it fly without regard to wind direction nor location.
4. Thou shalt remember that thoust is ALWAYS wrong. Really a key point here. 
Please refer to commandment #4 when in doubt about anything.
5. Thou shalt not repeatedly forget to take out the trash after you are asked. Or, in medical terms, Chore Amnesia. Thou shalt not develop Chore Amnesia.
6. Thou shalt not buy pets allegedly for the children and then leave thy wife to care for said pets. All new pets shall be sacrificed at the kitchen table unless cared for by the member of the family responsible for bringing said pet into the house. That’s why thy wives ALWAYS SAY NO.
7. Thou shalt not forget anniversaries, mother’s day or birthdays. These are not optional. Breaking this commandment is going to cost you at least a week’s salary plus you get to hold her purse while she spends your penance.
8. Thou shalt NOT buy lingerie for the wife without wifely approval. Inevitably what you think is hot is hideously uncomfortable or impractical. For instance, crotchless panties are not something women buy for themselves or wish to wear. There’s just no point to them. And what you think looks like a good bra, actually provides no support whatsoever and dumps the breasts, nipples and all, back out of the bra. Again. no point to it.
9. This should be know(left out intentionally)mike :)
10. Never leave thy sick wife home to care for children, clean house and cook dinner. It seems to me that once you’ve been married awhile, wives are NEVER allowed to be sick or have surgery. Leaving your wife on crutches to carry around the one year old, chase after the three year old and cook and clean is a mortal sin punishable by a flogging with the crutches. Do not look angrily at the wife when she trips you with the crutches. On purpose.
Should any of these commandments be broken, your minimum penance consists of flowers, foot rubs and breakfast in bed. THAT my friends, is the key to a happy marriage.
So remember these commandments and may we all enjoy great marriages.
